whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
