I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
