matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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