just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
People in love make me want to vomit
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
