she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
