Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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