guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
