dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
