i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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