woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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