dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
someone threw a dead crab at me
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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