I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I would fuck him just for his dog
Do you have feelings for this penis?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize