Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
