It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
