I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
