don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
