Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
