Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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