WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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