1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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