spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
