You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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