If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
