You're my little dorito
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
