Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize