Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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