need another drink. this is the easiest way
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
