are you still at the devil's house?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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