I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
They took my balls.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
