The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
