They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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