WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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