Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
