I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
