I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I will die if light touches me.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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