I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
