Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
