mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
