I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
