is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
