I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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