I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
