took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
We had sex on a dog bed..
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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