My nipple is on Facebook.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
