i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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