the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
