I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
