Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
