how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
