Girls should come with a carfax report
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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