your parents love me but you hate me
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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