My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
