I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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