What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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