he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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