I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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