dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You're like the curious george of whores
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
