Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
