You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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