I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
