TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
