my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize