Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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