she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize