so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
