Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
