He is an equal opportunity slut.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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