fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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