I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
