I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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