I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
