Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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