I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
