**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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