Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
