Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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