Just fell off a train. Bad.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
