normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I don't deserve a penis
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You need a sexual gate keeper
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
