my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize