Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
