i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize