What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
