Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
