Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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