I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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